It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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