My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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