What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
