Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
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