Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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