man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Randomize
