I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
