its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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