I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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