your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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