Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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