i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Randomize
