I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
