dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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