I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
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