She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
