hotel room ftw
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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