at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
