I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
