happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
