Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
