Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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