i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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