I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
