I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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