I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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