FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Randomize
