Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
