her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize