over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
