Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
