he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Randomize
