he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
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