Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
