god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
This gyro tastes like lonliness
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
