i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize
