her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
