life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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