The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
