Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I got inside last night via doggy door
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
