its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
