okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Randomize
