there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
What a dumb baby whore.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
