So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
