P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
