Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
