no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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