dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
