85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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