Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
