Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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