call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
