i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
