Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
