Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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