Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
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