Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
