is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
