ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
