can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
