I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
