i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
