she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
