Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
