I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Pants are for mortals
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
