How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
just tell him i said nine months
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
