i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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