did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
