so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
