I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
